When I was first introduced to the concept of the Greek Gods in primary school I was struck by how the Sea God Neptune, or Poseidon as his name is in Greek, was probably the most touchy and irritable God of the lot. He was a real grouch. While it’s never a good idea to get on the wrong side of any God it seems that Neptune is the one you’re probably going to end up annoying. If you were to walk into a bar in Mount Olympus he’d be the “did you spill my pint?” candidate, or, in Odysseus case, “did you annoy my one-eyed son who was legitimately trying to eat you and your crew?”
He didn’t get off to a good start in his immortal life, to be honest. He was, or wasn’t depending on who you read, “swallowed” up by his Dad (no I don’t know why either). After the Gods won the big dust-up with the Titans Neptune drew the seas. If you were out on a boat and sprung a leak you sent a prayer to Neptune first.
This was a better plan in most cases as “happy Mr. Trident” (please don’t call him that) was more than pleased to send a storm your way or a nice little tidal wave. You do get to think that if he wasn’t happy with having the sea he could have just said so. Hades would have swapped right away, and he was forever complaining about being stuck in the underworld listening to the dead moaning all the time. To prove this point Neptune had a lovely Palace under the sea (no singing lobsters are recorded as being part of it) made of the finest coral and gems. What did he do? Spend all his time on Mount Olympus moaning. Maybe he would have been happy if all the fish where his army and they all had Tank Driving Experience to fight off anyone who tried to enter his territory which he could have got from www.armourgeddon.co.uk/tank-driving-experience.html.
If that wasn’t enough then he was also able to conjure up a nice little earthquake. “What have I done now!”, you might think as your house is falling down around your ears. Probably looked at a fish funny more than likely. He continued to live a strange life as a God. He certainly led a complicated love life. He fancied his sister but she, rightly, wasn’t having that so she turned into a horse (as you do). Undeterred by this so did Neptune and he chased her all over Greece. He must have got her as they eventually had a pony called Arion. He can’t have been well. He did have “normal kids” Orion, Polyphemus and Pelias and he did get married to a sea nymph who gave him a half man half fish son. Neptune was seen as a bit of fertility figure too. After that lot, I’m not surprised.
